A stronger me for whatever the future holds

[Seeker7]

Just found the book thread. It is under MLC. There was a post last month for stuff in here. See if you can post it in here.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483893#Post2483893

[PacLove]

Ok - found it listed already - first book listed in this thread . Look for books on infidelity by Puppy Dog Trails:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...358#Post1969358

[PacLove]

Lots of 1-1 time with W this past week - and lots of R discussions, mostly initiated by her.

I can tell she's still not sure she wants the M - but then she oscillates, one moment she says she wants to be married, the next she's not so sure. Yet she enjoys the time we spend together. She's struggling I think with the commitment and rules that would come with it more than anything.

I think she's more a WAW now than a WW that the A is over, so how I handle the situation has adjusted a bit.

She's worries that we won't be able to get past the A and doesn't want to put me through that pain - I think this is part of her guilt/shame weighing in. Good or bad, I told her that ILY and that we can get through it together if we are both willing to put in the work.

My course of action is to be there to support her and continue to spend time with her when she initiates to build up the emotional connection - I sensed she was growing closer to me over the last week with the time spent together, but this will be a slow process.

[Gordie]

PacLove,

I have no words of counsel for you as you are way, way ahead of me in this process. I'm just sending you my thoughts and prayers in the hopes that you are able to move forward in a way that is good for both of you.

One thing that struck me: you told her "that we can get through it together if we are both willing to put in the work..." Amen!

[Seeker7]

PacLove it is nice to hear that things are progressing in the right direction. That is also a good sign that she wants to spend a lot of time with you. Just keep up the good work and our thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Gordie]

When your W was in her A and you were separated, where were you on the friend - tough live/NC spectrum? What worked for your situation?

[PacLove]

Hey Gordie,

I responded friendly but was more on the tough love/NC spectrum. I only helped if asked, and she rarely did.
I only reached out if necessary for finance/kids.

[Gordie]

Thanks--good food for thought as I move to the next stage.

[PacLove]

Anyone check out MWD's new book released today? There's a whole chapter on sich like ours where the W/H continues the A - she seems to advocate softer boundaries but clearly state that the M is on "hold" or can't be worked on until the A is over - and then don't talk about it and continue to work on yourself.

[Dawgs]

There's a whole chapter on sich like ours where the W/H continues the A - she seems to advocate softer boundaries but clearly state that the M is on "hold" or can't be worked on until the A is over - and then don't talk about it and continue to work on yourself.

The way that's worded, I'm not sure how I feel about that statement. Makes it seem like there are no repercussions for the affair...kind of like stay in the affair as long as you want and we'll work on it when you decide its over. Wow. Not liking that, but then again I haven't read the book nor do I need to at this point. I may be wrong and have been before. Just how it seems.