Gordie: Pulling it all together

[Gordie]

***You gotta stop responding whenever she whistles. Step outside her drama and start to build a life that does not include her. Once the separation happens, you need to be able to fully integrate into a new life. Perhaps you can start by not responding to texts and calls on demand. Your above confession illustrates you have been unsuccessful at stepping away. ***

Truth

***You really need to let her be alone with her drama. If it is OM she wants, you can't prevent it. She needs to experience him in her face all the time before the dream can crash.***

Yes, but the latest is she feels she isn't ready for a new romantic R. I thought after we separated that the new R with POM would be pursued but now I'm not sure.

***You don't need to be mean or disrespectful, just unavailable.***

Thanks

***Sorry if I don't seem real luvy duvy. From your last post, it is safe to say you appear to be enabling her behavior and disrespect for the marriage. ***

How?

***In my own story, I handled the love you but not in love a bit different than many.***

W has never said that. W says she is still in love with me.

***When I got the sad story that W never got to be on her own, live her own life, my response was supportive in that I offered to help her pack and not to worry as the kids and I will be fine. I never accepted or enabled indecision on w's part. It was very risky, but brief.***

Wow

***I watched others on this BB go thru the saga for years. ***

I am afraid of that.

***Eventually, the DB process leads the spouse still working on the M to more advanced actions like the LRT. Eventually, you will take control of your life away from her. She needs to see you moving to independence to understand that she is losing you. Then she can decide if she cares enough to do something about it. The question is "How much longer do you do what hasn't worked?" Only you can decide.***

What wasn't working for me was being emotionally disconnected and not investing enough of myself in my W and our R. I think what I have been doing has worked to rekindle that connection...but clearly not enough to want my W to remain M, as there are other MLC issues beyond me.

***When the marriage starts to heal, it is obvious. She will say, she wants to try. That is when you begin to DB your butt off.***

I can only hope to hear that some day.