He is still in the "blame" mode even if he starts to understand you got hurt in the process. He is still in the "Me" mode. He needs to process what he did to his family and how wrong it was, the blame has to shift from you to him in his mind (he probably won't verbalize it), it takes months for that. Otherwise he will stay convinced he was right to do what he did and might do it again if you are going though issues.
You might be going though what is called "sexual bonding". Normal phase after an affair when the spouses start to reconnect but it lasts just for a few weeks.
Giving him all the changes he wants without him making deep changes in his "thinking mode" and taking the responsibility of having an affair as "something wrong with him not you" first, is giving him again the control over you and denying you the right to have a say in that relationship.
It's when my husband said "It had nothing to do with you but me", that I knew that we could have chance together. Then he started very slowly to realize how his behavior affected me and the children. He never talked to me about that but I can tell by his actions.
The most challenging is not to decide to stay together it's to make it work with that past. It's a common journey where fairness is essential from both sides. He does his changes I do mine, but I keep my GAL and some Detach.
Me 52+ WH 57+ Married 20 + Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
