I'm so sorry about what you are going through, and wish you all the happiness in the world. I'm in the beginning stages of dealing with D, but thought I'd share with you a little of my experience that may help with guilt.
I was the husband that had an emotional affair, and decided to leave my wife, only to realize my mistake and beg for her back. She was never able to forgive me or trust me again. While I was trying to win her back, I was overcome with guilt, and I realized two important lessons.
1. If you feel guilty while trying to win back your spouse, there's a part of you that wishes to right the wrongs and remove guilt. But this motivation is based on fear instead of self love. this motivation makes it harder to win back your spouse 2. the best way to get over guilt, is to become a better person that would not do those things. For me, i realized that the horrible way i treated my wife will always be wrong. i have been trying to look deep into myself to find the issues that caused me to do those things and heal. I'm not there completely yet, but becoming a little bit better person allows me to forgive myself more. one day, i will awaken and be the type of person that would treat his wife with love and respect always.
i hope that helps a little bit with the guilt. I know it can be really hard to hate yourself. I've done it for a long time, and i hope you find ways to love yourself.
Married 6 years Separated 1 year Divorced 1/1/17 me 35 wife 30
