I know you want her back more than anything but that cannot be at any price. She needs to really change and prove her commitment before you even consider reconciliation. She needs to know that. Otherwise even if she comes back iit is doomed as she will not truly have risked losing you. You are a safe bet so she could come and go whenever she decides. You truly don't want that.
Wanted to echo this. Its tough in the beginning as you want/will do ANYTHING to just get them back home and try to work it out from there. I am telling you from experience do not do this. Cost me a hard long year in the process. You have to become a stronger man from this, also she has to feel the loss before she will ever start to make the changes required for a reconciliation ... if the door is wide open why would she come back knowing she can continue her actions regardless of who it hurts and how much because you are consistent in your actions/words of telling her you want her back which is allowing her to do as she wants. You will get to a point that you will actually say aloud .. here and to her .. I do not want her back with who she has become and what she is doing.
Originally Posted By: SBJ
My goals are to stand tall and live my life for my kids and myself for now. If she wants to re-join us down the road then she will have to make the choice to knock on the door.
She will knock .. often... sometimes harder than others and like when we are kids she will run off and hide in the bushes once you answer just to make sure you are home, precisely where she left you. Change your stance (this is not a goal), understand if she wants to work on the marriage you may be open to that if you see some significant change, till then you continue to stand for your M. Until then you will continue to improve despite her and her actions.
Hang in there, and maybe be less available for her to vent, she needs to miss that part of your relationship as well KWIM?
