Chapter 4 - Acting As If

[bigybiz]

Melo: Good to hear from you. I wanted to let you know that I continue to pray for you regularly.

The LRT videos can be found on the "e-store" section of the DB site. There is a cost involved.

I can tell you that my path has many curves - but I'd like to believe what I'm doing is working. As MWD says regularly do what works.

My DB coach wanted me to build a friendship with W. That did not go so well when I tried in late 2015, early 2106. So after months of focusing on me and turning my GAL to "11", I'm ready to do it. After watching the LRT videos this fall it seems I'm now ready.

My life is moving on. Aside from the "limbo" of what could happen with the house. I'm as ready as I could be to go on without her.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not detached and my motivations are probably messed up. I still obsess about it, etc.

Nonetheless, It seems I'm getting results.

It may be cake eating on her part, it still seems that there has been a "softening" of her hard heart - or she is manipulating/DBing me perfectly.

I planned and executed our family Christmas without her. The kids and I went along our business and it seemed that they treated W as a visitor. We let her participate in a few of our events, etc. Not all, just some.

I've "let" her hang around the house on my parenting days. She has been doing our laundry at her apt. When she comes over she cleans the bathroom, etc. S16 has his own life now, so he does not go to visit her - so the only way she can see him is to come to our house. She has been taking an active interest in our basement reno (again a big risk during a time of separation).

As the coaches say - I've engaged her in "safe" conversation and we seem to be starting a dialogue. This past summer she would not accept any "kind" gesture from me (as I would offer a friend or stranger), today, she now asks me for little things i.e. a lift to her apt, to share my parenting time with her, etc.

I've been consistent. I'm proceeding with my life, activities, etc. We've asked her to participate in our life and have never made a concession for her. We are still basically NC. She knows I will not text her. If she sends me a text, I will give a short simple reply. If she want's info etc, she can call me or ask me when she see's me.

She has accepted invitations from me to see movies, to come over when the extended family has come over, etc.

I'm thinking this is progress. I intend to turn up the heat on what I'm doing in my life and see what happens.