Thanks for the message, really. I appreciate your honesty and straight talking so much.
When I first read your message I was taken aback, and didn't understand my own reaction. I felt something shift in me when I read your messages, and I think it was in response to the honesty of your words.
I spoke to my family priest about my situation and asked him for guidance, a few weeks ago. His special ministry is in marriage. So he counsels marriages in crisis, like those in our situation. He told me in 95% of the cases he sees, there is no reconciliation.
So when you wrote about the lighthouse and how a lot of DB-ers see their WS return and then cheat again - that sounded like truth to me. And truth be told I cried thinking about it. And cry thinking about it. I want there to be hope.
In response to the DB-ers who see their spouses return and then cheat again - do you think it's because the changes they made at first didn't stick? In my own experience, that was the case for me. WH had his EAs, I made some changes but they weren't deep seated or permanent and I reverted to the behaviours that inspired his wandering off the first time, so can I really be surprised and angry if he repeats his own behaviours in response to mine? I didn't change so could I expect him to? It would have been nice if I was married to a better person than me, but is it his fault if he is just as weak and crap as I was?
Do you mind me asking why you come to this site? If you don't hope for R anymore?
I agree - I think our sitches are scary similar.
I see the value of your advice and thank you so deeply for it. Even as I confess I am going to have problems following it. : (
