Looks like most the vintage forum posts are gone. Maybe a few exist in the archives and under success stories.
Been married 23 years now. One kid married and gone, two 20 somethings remain. We live in rural America now next to small town USA.
DW and I are starting to plan for our next adventure normally called retirement. Unfortunately, we are not normal. Been looking at northern KY and AR to build or buy the retirement ranch.
Marriage relationships change over time. Most important is to give DW space to grow and do the stuff she wants to be and do. When I look back at the early years, the failure, the heartbreak, the struggle, I attribute it to my belief that when we married, we became one, like the bible states. Unfortunately, my perspective was a bit off. God gives each of us free will which we use to satisfy and fulfill our individual lives. We can't give that up or we begin to die. You can't expect your spouse to give it up either.
Life is so short. I have become anxious as I feel it slipping away day by day. I don't want to waste a moment of it embroiled in the push/pull of trying to control a relationship. The best choice, I ever made was to drop the rope and focus on my own goals, knowing I could never succeed at controlling my spouse. Next thing I knew, 15 years have disappeared and we are still together by choice.
Marriage is never easy once you get past the breeding stage. Love is about commitment and it is a deliberate decision. The feelings of love change like waves breaking on the beach. They are unreliable and cannot be trusted.
You can't make choices for your W and any attempt to figure her out will fail. If you are separating by her decision, I say separate. She needs a taste of life without you covering for her, financing her, enabling her. On the other hand, you will be awesome with all you have learned in this experience. Once you leave, it may not be over, but you need to establish boundaries for your own sanity.
