Never good enough

[ForGump]

Did your H have a healthy childhood/upbringing? A supportive, happy family (then and now)?

I'll repeat the advice given all the time here in the forum: you can't change him. You can only change you. Focus on being a great person. A fun person. An interesting person. Take a long, hard, broad look at yourself and who you've become in the last twenty years, and take steps to fix what you don't like, and be more of what you do like.

For most of us here ... odds are really low that we'll save our marriages. But all the work you put into this will, hopefully, save your sanity and some of your heart, and make it a little better for our kids.

It sounds to me that you've allowed yourself to be kind of isolated. Can you revive some old friendships, cultivate some new ones and reconnect with good relatives? Having a good support network of caring people will help you weather the storms up ahead.

Check if your health insurance covers counselors. If so, I recommend spending some time to find a good one and get some individual counseling for yourself. Divorce and threats of divorce are extremely stressful. Counseling will help, esp. if your H has a serious condition like bipolar disorder. Some employers also offer counseling through a thing called "employee assistance program (EAP)", separate from health insurance.