I thought you had already left. The best thing to do is get legal advice. If there are no children, I would see no point of staying under the same roof while being exposed to her difiance. You can't nice her back. It simply does not work with a wayward. So what else would you do? Talk? That does not work with a WW in an affair.
I have seen no success with in-house separation. NONE! I have read countless accounts from H's and how staying under the same roof whittles away their self-respect, male confidence, and his influence with her. It is a slow death. IMHO, the outcome has more hope when the betrayed spouse physically leaves. I have seen couples reconcile when physically living apart. As long as you stay under the same roof, and knowing she is still contacting OM....the less chance of attraction, b/c she sees you remaining in the house (knowing contact with OM) as compromising your values, and her contempt for you will begin to rise higher. Every day you stay with her disrespecting you, the less chance you have of attracting her back.
Just for the record, if there were children involved; or you had been M for a longer period of time; or if the two of you were older, I might not be so quick to suggest you leave. I think I have previously explained (maybe I didn't) how a WW usually will not positively respond to her H's passivity. She admires men who show stength, spunk/guts, and who do not tolerate anyone jerking them around. She knows she is doing wrong, and she knows she is lying about it, but she is too far in to meekly stop after you try talking about it. You CANNOT fix this by talking about it. She is not drawn to that approach. Although she won't tell you, she will respect you if you stand up and SHOW that you will not take her cr@p treatment any longer, then SHOW her how you intend to protect yourself from her cr@p by removing yourself from her life. When she has a clear view of the reality she has caused, there is more of a chance she will decide she really wants her H. But she has to feel she has lost him; his avaiability, his attention, his care & protection, and his support.....last but not least, his friendship. She has to feel that he will no longer be a part of her life, b/c he has dumped her......and it is her fault for losing him. It will be up to her to do the right thing, drop the OM, and get her H back.
Just so you know, everyone does not agree with the tough love route, and most newcomers shy away from it. If you talk to the DB coaches, they will not advise what I have said above....and neither do they separate the WW from the WAW. It is your life and your choice. Either way, you will have support from the board.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
