Hello. just wanted to say hi. Have been doing some reading on this forum for a little while.Will post my situation when I get a chance. From what I have read it seems like a helpful group. Thanks, Moose.
Me47 W45 D19(In heaven) S23 D21 Grandson19mth. BD 7/16 W moved out 10/16. D21 and grandson live with me.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Hello all. I am a little way along in my situation. Marriage has been a drag last couple years. W and I both became complacent. Stopped growing you could say. Every aspect of marriage became stagnant. Back in July/16 I found out W had been in an online EA for 5-6 months. phone bill showed couple thousand texts per month. She met him on a game chat on her phone. He is 1500 miles away. Sounds like he woooed her off her feet. I did everything wrong at that time. Beg, plead,anger, crying, drunk benders, following her around. I got the not attracted to you,LYBNILWY,sex life [censored], nothing in common. Things seemed to get a little better for a bit but looking back now I can see she was still fogged out.Next few months were pretty tense around here. She got into an apt.in October. I told her I would not help her move her stuff then ended up caving in and helping. As soon as she got out she was nice to me. hugs when parting and all. I stayed away for a bit then started going to her place for board games with D20 at the time.
Experienced the nice and friendly one day cold and distant the next. Just like you read on here seemed like someone other than my wife. I started to back off a little and then just last week I found she is back to texting again. This time with a guy she knew from childhood. I have been using the LRT since then. dont know if is too late for marriage being I waited so long to implement any technique.
Trying to detach,GAL and work on some personal growth and goals now. We are both in IC and I am attending A.A. 12 step. Love the boards and all the good people here. Peace.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/13/1707:21 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
Me47 W45 D19(In heaven) S23 D21 Grandson19mth. BD 7/16 W moved out 10/16. D21 and grandson live with me.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thanks Cadet. I am currently reading DR. At BD I asked her what it is she wanted she wanted to do about marriage(MC,divorce. We went to 2 couples sessions and she stopped going. Says she don't think she wants a divorce yet. Says we both have to work on ourselves. Whenever I have brought up anything about the progress about the M or starting to work on R all I got from her is "I don't know". I have not brought up the R in a few months now. Like a lot of others on the boards I am having some trouble detaching and moving forward(although it is getting a little easier as time goes on). Also trying not to hold resentments as I move forward and GAL.
Me47 W45 D19(In heaven) S23 D21 Grandson19mth. BD 7/16 W moved out 10/16. D21 and grandson live with me.
Moose, I am sorry you're here. The beginning of your story I can relate to. About 16 years ago, my H also started an OEA through a game chat as well. I was pregnant at the time. It is extremely painful and for me, no less so than if he had a PA.
Eventually we worked things out. You never get over it, but you can move on from it. Obviously, I am here so I still have marriage problems but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
Take time to work on YOU. Be the best Moose you can be. That's attractive to a woman. I'm working on me too. So good luck
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
It's positive she doesn't want a d yet and says you both have things to work on. You say your R became stagnant. What was your contribution to that? What do you have to work on?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Also, the fact that your kids are adults now and that you have a grandchild makes W re assess who they are, their mortality and what they want out of the rest of their lives. Do you know what W wants, her dreams and aspirations? Do you know what you want?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
