Well, my wife and I have done a bunch of talking. She's read "the book", and I've read most of it at this point, and we've spent a lot of time together discussing things. She's also made a couple of special meals for me.
Here's the good news: we're managing to discuss the topic of s-e-x while staying on the same side and being warm with each other. That's a big, big step for me. And she's been very attentive and snuggled with me a lot lately. She's even started wearing perfume again. Turns out she didn't stop because she didn't care if I liked her perfume, she stopped when she ran into people who were allergic to fragrances. Well, I'm not, and I like it when the house smells like her perfume.
OK, still no sex, but a lot more warmth and understanding in areas that matter to me a lot.
hi - sounds like good stuff. i've discovered just how cherished i feel when my H holds my hand, when we are walking around town, in the car while he is driving (he puts my hand on his knee and his hand over mine ) and lately, even when we are sleeping. makes me more 'ready' for fun stuff good luck with these baby steps. slowly
Quote: i've discovered just how cherished i feel when my H holds my hand, when we are walking around town, in the car while he is driving (he puts my hand on his knee and his hand over mine ) and lately, even when we are sleeping.
Slowly,
Have you told H how cherished his actions make you feel? I recently told H how thrilled I was when he strokes my hair as we are shopping together or cuddling at home. I told him the fact that I was still so thrilled by his touch (as if we're just dating) shows that I have not started to take him for granted and I noticed that he does it more now. IMO, you should tell your H or thank him when he does something that makes you feel happy so he will know that he is doing the right thing and continue to do so.
Sorry Bolette,
I did not mean to detract from your topic. I am very happy for you that you are making these baby steps (or rather they sound like big strides to me). I've read some of your threads and like the way you've been mentally handling the SSM so this is very big. Keep us posted will ya?
That's great news - thanks for sharing! Being on the same page during those talking-about-sex conversations is a huge plus. You're an inspiration. Thanks!
So maybe I was pushing my luck just a bit. I noticed that condoms have an expiration date, and the two big boxes we had bought once upon a time had expired in 1997 and 1999 respectively. Since things were warming up a bit, I figured maybe one of these days something might happen, so I decided to buy some condoms and some Astroglide, which has received glowing reviews from some women here on the board.
So I tell my wife I'm going running in the woods and I'm going to do some errands after, and she asks me what errands. Hmmmm....since I really had only one errand in mind, I hemmed and hawed a bit and told her. And she went slightly ballistic, telling me that she didn't need all that pressure. I told her that having the supplies in the house meant that we could choose if we wanted to, and then stupidly said that we had already managed to avoid sex for years at a time while having unexpired condoms in the house (will I ever learn to shut my trap?)
At any rate, after running through the woods (which was very nice) I stopped at the local Wal-Mart and picked up the goods. This Wal-Mart seemed to be staffed entirely by 15-year-old girls, so I poked around quite a while rather than ask where to find things, and then went through an automated line. And one of these days I'm going to have to browse the Internet to figure out what the differences are among the 20-odd kinds they had on offer, but since I wasn't going to ask a 15-year-old girl, I picked up a small variety pack. 12 condoms that expire in 2008.
I also bought some Easter candy, eggs, etc., hid the more suspect goods, and finally decided to come out and tell my wife that I only bought 12, and they don't expire until 2008, so we have some time. She laughed and gave me a little hug, so I guess this wasn't a fatal mistake.
About a week ago, I spent about 4 hours thoroughly cleaning and reorganizing my part of the bedroom. My wife, as usual, didn't say anything, though this has been a sore point with her.
We were having a discussion where she mentioned that I kept pushing her negative buttons, and I said to her, "I keep trying to approach you, and I hear all the time when I'm doing something wrong - I simply don't know how to not do anything wrong and still approach you. I need you to tell me what your positive buttons are."
And then I remembered that cleaning up the room should have been a positive button for her, and I mentioned that. She melted, apologized, and thanked me, saying it had meant a lot to her.
I realized that this must be part of speaking different love languages. Chores may be a love language for her, but they aren't for me, and doing chores is not going to feel like an act of love to me until she shows me some sign of having received it as such. This was enlightening to both of us. Because each of us really does want to be loving, but I'm not sure either of us is doing a good job of letting the other know when something has come across as particularly loving. And we may be assuming that the other person just knows, but that's not the case.
hi jonathan - AHA is right. if only we were all wired the same way but now you know what rocks her world.... you both should be looking forward to the next move slowly
Hi Jonathon. Loved the Wal-Mart story--15 year olds I, on the other hand, would probably have made it a point to talk to them about it. But I'm a bit of a silly old jerk sometimes.
You've only got about 3.5 years left to use up those 12 condoms. That's about 3.4 times per year! At my rate over the last 2 years, I would end up throwing away a nearly full box. Of course, I've had the big V, so I don't use condoms anymore.
The Love Language issue was interesting. My W is really into the AOS, too. And she tends to be quiet about saying "thanks" or "good job", although she occasionally does a good job with that.
Keep on working your butt off, Jonathon. Maybe, one day....
Hairdog, who doesn't shop at Wal Mart because of predatory pricing strategies, anti-competitive nature, discriminatory hiring practices, general philosophy, and, oh, because my W doesn't let me.
) and lately, even when we are sleeping. makes me more 'ready' for fun stuff 
good luck with these baby steps. slowly 
but now you know what rocks her world.... you both should be looking forward to the next move