(Side note, on Tuesday, 1/10/16, she came home and told me that she stopped talking to the om, that Monday 1/9/16 she sent the last text to him at 9am. While I seem to think that was true, she was really grumpy, and I heard her crying, my gut tells me she started back up yesterday, because she seemed happier. I am just going to continue to focus on me, and not get drawn in anymore to the drama.)
Very sharp! Yes, when she is all happy-go-lucky.....you can bet she has been in contact with OM. It is like her drug fix. So naturally, if she has not had contact with him for a few days....she will be in a bad mood. She is getting an ego shot from the OM every time they contact one another. It is very addictive. Whenever the contact truly ends, she will not be in a pleasant mood for quite some time.
Quote:
I forgot to mention, since I stopped calling and texting her, she has asked me on multiple occasions "what's wrong", and I have confidently replied "nothing" or "I am fine".
That's fine, and it is one of the guidelines in the 37 rules. I may on occasion suggest something tougher than a LBS prefers, so judge for yourself what I say next. If I had just separated from a spouse who refused to stop contacting another person....I would probably say something like, "If you don't know what's wrong, maybe you need to examine our situation. If you figure out what is wrong and you decide to do what is right, let me know. Otherwise, I really have nothing else to discuss".
Now that's just me, and others may find fault. I see it as you basically pitching the ball back to her....but what a powerful pitch! You have left her b/c she refused to end contact with another man. If you had wanted to remain in a relationship that had personal, spouse excluded, texting OM friendships......you would have stayed with her, right? This behavior from your wife is unacceptable within a MR. The fact that she showed how little respect she had for you, by texting the OM right in front of you gives evidence of her wayward state.
You talked to her about it, and asked her to end it with OM...and she outright refused! Her OM has become more important than her H. She thought you would continue to stay on the sidelines and buy into whatever cr@p she told you. So, what else is there really to talk about if she continues? This is the "thing" that broke up the M. She KNOWS what she is doing is WRONG. She is betting you are too dumb to not believe everything she tells you, and that she can use her persuasion to get you back. Her plan will be to contact you to feel you out and see how attached you are to her. You don't intend to play that game. She can clean up her act and decide to do what is right, or lose her H. In the example of what I would say....notice how I emphasised the words wrong and right. Every WW knows what she is doing wrong, and she knows exactly what she should do about it.
The majority of newcomers are too afraid to make that bold of a move. And, I am not telling you what to do. I am telling you what I would do, based on the mindset of a WW. The longer you cater to her, playing her game.....the less likely she will want to change her behavior. When this OM fades away, she will find OM2, and continue throughout your M. I strongly encourage you to make a stand early, before you have children with her. Otherwise, she will string you along. I am not suggesting you rush out and get file for a divorce, if that's not what you want. I am saying if she thinks she can have you and the OM....that's what she will do. Do not take her back until or unless she has ended things with OM and proves to you no more contacting. If you let her back too easily, you'll find yourself in the same mess.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
