Thank you, Lady V. I love your postive attitude. So not my style tho :-) Maybe THAT should be my NY change. Ha.

And hello friends. I hope the new year is finding you all well! ... If it's not, then maybe it's time to go out and find it yourself, eh? They say "good things come to those who wait," but do they really? I tend to think good things come to those who go out and make something good happen! You can't make other people do things or feel things, but you can find something within your control. Let those be your joys in life and you will always have them. No one can take them away from you. Art? Dance? Music? Cooking? Hiking? Knitting? A new hobby? Journaling? The list is endless.....

Yesterday I was feeling down and exhausted and had little to no motivation to get anything done. Been rethinking lately if I want this M to work, which makes me terribly sad. Honestly my H is wonderful, present, and a hardworking man. Mostly he is a great dad and we have this beautiful family. Hate to think about losing it all. I don't know tho, I just feel like I don't want that ugliness of the A and separation in my history. That's how I've been feeling lately and I don't need to be talked out of it. I know we are all here to save our M, but I also think it terribly naive to believe they will all work, even if they all come back. It's been almost 2 years H has been back, but I want so much more.

So yesterday I did something different. I didn't let myself wallow or go about my usual routine. I made fun and relaxing plans with a friend I adore, on a whim, and I left the house and the mess behind. Just picked up and left it all for an entire day and evening of rejuvenation. Came home in the best mood and allowed myself to have a complete turnaround. Feeling proud of myself and thinking how I can mix it up again today!

Gosh sometimes I wish I could go back in time and deal with my sitch differently. You know what I would do differently? As soon as H dropped his fat ugly bomb on me about that (fat and ugly) OW, I would have simply looked at him and shrugged. Then I would have said, "Okay. I'm sorry to hear that. There is the door and I'll be going on with my life now." Then I would have protected my kids something fierce. Oh, and only the wonderful and safe poeple would get to see my tears. Lastly, I would have started posting here immediately. Lastly, I would have thought long and hard before letting him back in my life.

Ok, putting computer down, and going to be spontaneous again. This time, I'll be alone with my bad arse self.

Peace!
Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela