When there is a WW or MLC, the W will usually step beneath her previous standards. That goes for the type of men she may date, her new circle of friends, her activities/behavior, the way she dresses, and her overall lifestyle.
I don't claim to have read every story posted on the board, however, I'll say this......the pattern usually shows they affair down. In other words, she will have a secret affair with some guy that looks like a joke. He doesn't work, or he makes much less than her present lifestyle demands. The OM may be the complete opposite of the taste in men she previously preferred. Most LBH's are shocked when they see a photo of OM, or learn about his track record with previous jobs, women, etc.
Avoiding people she knows will not support her new behavior, is very common. That's why she will make new friends who are into the things she's doing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
wow sandi, thank you I needed to hear this today. I think my W may have affaired down. Though OW is an RN like W, they only met because OW failed out of her original "class" and got put into my W's class. In terms of looks, total opposite of me, and dresses how W never wanted me to dress. I am completely shocked. W has gotten new friends from her class, they all approve, as they don’t really know me and now and spent countless hours with OW.
Why is it though that they affair down? Any theories? As I know there is no real answer.
I find it sad if they don't come out,specialy when they was good wife's before this,
Truth. Kind of destroys our trust in possible future mates, eh?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
When there is a WW or MLC, the W will usually step beneath her previous standards. That goes for the type of men she may date, her new circle of friends, her activities/behavior, the way she dresses, and her overall lifestyle.
I don't claim to have read every story posted on the board, however, I'll say this......the pattern usually shows they affair down. In other words, she will have a secret affair with some guy that looks like a joke. He doesn't work, or he makes much less than her present lifestyle demands. The OM may be the complete opposite of the taste in men she previously preferred. Most LBH's are shocked when they see a photo of OM, or learn about his track record with previous jobs, women, etc.
Avoiding people she knows will not support her new behavior, is very common. That's why she will make new friends who are into the things she's doing.
wow sandi2 your spot on,apart from they are coworkers and he is under her and about 20 years younger,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Cheesy I read some where they affair down,something like,they are under them self's where as you was above them its a kinda you was to good for them thing,if you can get your head doubt that,or you was above them ,Sandi might know better, Sandi your spot on this other man is a lady's man flirts with all the woman,and I can tell he is a player that goes with any woman he gets chance and he is married,also my w was a very jealous person if I spoke to any woman she went mad some times raging even right up to July when we split,so when she wakes up if she does she will hate the way he is with other woman,haha good for her,I was 100% faith full he won't be,I know it,and his fb is full of plcs of him self posing its kind of weird,I would never be like that,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
I find it sad if they don't come out,specialy when they was good wife's before this,
Truth. Kind of destroys our trust in possible future mates, eh?
Yes that's true its kind put me of ever getting another mate,she was my rock,but now she is a betrayer,and has put me thru the ringer,I still think I'm in dream some times,but its real,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Why is it though that they affair down? Any theories? As I know there is no real answer.
This may sound too far out, but think of the wayward state of mind as if it her alter ego. That alter ego is trying to escape from her reality (which is personal unhappiness, issues with age, low self-esteem, problems in the MR, etc.). Her alter ego is not her true self.
If the OP responds or pursues the WW, then the OP's character shows serious cracks, b/c your W is married. However, for the WW, every thing is all about her feelings, and the more she gives way to her alter ego.....the more she is caught up in a fantasy of her own making. The attention from the OP is thrilling, b/c it appeals to her alter ego......which is not the person her family knows. The OP fantasy distracts her from the daily reality of life. IMHO, the fantasy state of mind could act as a blindfold in seeing the truth in OP. The WW's alter ego takes charge and partakes of the forbidden fruit, so to speak, and gets an immediate buzz. She goes back for more ego food, and OP lays it on thicker. The OP is giving ego strokes, and the WW is returning ego strokes. WW's alter ego tells her lies, as it grows into a monster, destroying M's, family, career, etc.
Honestly, I don't know why the WW will often affair down. I really don't think it is a conscious decision on her part. If you notice, her actions/attidude, etc., all seem unlike her normal self. Bottom line....it's all about how the OP makes the WW feel.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The attention from the OP is thrilling, b/c it appeals to her alter ego......which is not the person her family knows. The OP fantasy distracts her from the daily reality of life. IMHO, the fantasy state of mind could act as a blindfold in seeing the truth in OP. The WW's alter ego takes charge and partakes of the forbidden fruit, so to speak, and gets an immediate buzz. She goes back for more ego food, and OP lays it on thicker. The OP is giving ego strokes, and the WW is returning ego strokes. WW's alter ego tells her lies, as it grows into a monster, destroying M's, family, career, etc.
This is probably one of the best explanations that I have ever read. Ever.
Quote:
Honestly, I don't know why the WW will often affair down. I really don't think it is a conscious decision on her part. If you notice, her actions/attidude, etc., all seem unlike her normal self. Bottom line....it's all about how the OP makes the WW feel.
Truth. I think its more along the lines of the attention, not the "down/up." In my ex's case, her affair was with someone who fit the mold of the "bad boys" who treated her like sh*t. Which may sound odd on the surface, but knowing my ex's past history, it was sort of a familiarity for her. My IC (who was our MC) said that she missed the drama associated with it. So, it's not always affairing down - its about who gives her what she "needs."
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Just to clarify that last part where I said I didn't believe the WW made a conscious decision........I was referring to her intentionly choosing an AP who would be considered "down" from her usual standard. She consciously knows her actions are wrong. I didn't want to leave the impression the WW is under some hypnotic spell.
Interestingly enough, the AP is often the opposite of her spouse. Which I suppose makes sense, since her alter ego is opposite from the lady she once was.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Why is it though that they affair down? Any theories? As I know there is no real answer.
This may sound too far out, but think of the wayward state of mind as if it her alter ego. That alter ego is trying to escape from her reality (which is personal unhappiness, issues with age, low self-esteem, problems in the MR, etc.). Her alter ego is not her true self.
If the OP responds or pursues the WW, then the OP's character shows serious cracks, b/c your W is married. However, for the WW, every thing is all about her feelings, and the more she gives way to her alter ego.....the more she is caught up in a fantasy of her own making. The attention from the OP is thrilling, b/c it appeals to her alter ego......which is not the person her family knows. The OP fantasy distracts her from the daily reality of life. IMHO, the fantasy state of mind could act as a blindfold in seeing the truth in OP. The WW's alter ego takes charge and partakes of the forbidden fruit, so to speak, and gets an immediate buzz. She goes back for more ego food, and OP lays it on thicker. The OP is giving ego strokes, and the WW is returning ego strokes. WW's alter ego tells her lies, as it grows into a monster, destroying M's, family, career, etc.
Honestly, I don't know why the WW will often affair down. I really don't think it is a conscious decision on her part. If you notice, her actions/attidude, etc., all seem unlike her normal self. Bottom line....it's all about how the OP makes the WW feel.
yes well said sandi again that fits my w to a t,just like she has blinkers on and all that matters to her is this om,he comes first and family comes second,and me no where,its very strange to watch some one tottaly different in your wife's body,like a real life jeckle and hyd,split personality,or possessed,if I had not seen it with my own eyes,I would never have believed how the change,sort of from good to bad,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
