Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[ccgrrl]

I don't belong to a church - that's not something I have any interest in. I did just find a women's organization that offers some support, but the next group doesn't start up for a few months...

Thanks for your insights about IC, job and about "being friends", SBJ.

We're starting to move forward with some practical things for the separation. As I said, he is passive-agressive, so I need to be on the lookout for signs that he's agreeing to things he's going to later mess up and blame me for.

One of the key things that is troubling me is his fixation on selling our house. As I've mentioned before, we live paycheck-to-paycheck, and it's a small miracle that we can afford a house in this area at all. On top of that, we only have another 10 years or so on the mortgage, and the monthly payment is so incredibly low that you literally cannot find a studio apartment in this area for that amount. I've been firm that it is absolutely non-negotiable, but it keeps coming up.

This house is not great - it's okay, but that low monthly amount is the only thing that's making it possible for us to live here, especially now that we'll have a second household (at least temporarily) to pay for. If we did sell and split the proceeds, as he's suggesting, a new house - even one of significantly lower quality and smaller - at the current rate will cost more than double what we currently pay. None of this sinks in when I tell him about it. I tried reminding him that it is actually the only thing of value that we own and can pass to the kids or use for the college tuition - still won't budge on this idea.

If we end up divorced, I'm pretty sure the court can order us to sell the house, so I am really having a tremendous amount of anxiety.

I can't believe he's doing this to our family! I have my share of responsibility for our communication problems and power struggles, but I did not do anything to hurt him. I never looked at another man. I never squandered our money. I always supported him in going after his dreams, even when they were seriously unrealistic. I am loyal to a fault and I have always - even by his own admission - put this family first. I wish there was some way to get through to him, but all of his trusted advisors are people who have no clue about how we've been living, what it's like to be married 23 years, or what having responsibility for two children entails. It seems he has purposely set out to have advisors who think this way and never talks to successfully-married people or people with families.

I'm terrified that he is going to somehow force us into poverty with this ridiculous sell-the-house scheme. I just don't know how to detach from that reality and go on with GAL, etc. This is really serious and from what I can see, the laws do not protect me and my children...