Lt, your words always resonate and make me feel that much better. Thank you. I ended up replying “I’m sorry to hear about your mother” but I really liked what you suggested. W said “thanks.” not a word since… Fightin, thanks for the virtual hug. I need all the hugs I can get recently. Maly, thanks for chiming in I appreciate you all.
I’ve had a seriously rough week. Just as I think I can’t get “worse” or more “down” or cry more than I did the last time, it happens.
I did something I shouldn’t have done. I snooped. I hadn’t snooped, I’m not one to snoop. I saw a picture W uploaded on her Facebook of SOW W, W’s bff, and bff’s husband. W looks like she’s gained her weight back. SOW was wearing “our" sweatshirt….(W and I have this thing that anywhere we’d visit, little mountain town or big city we’d buy a hoodie sweatshirt from there so we could wear it as a souvenir type thing for us. That sweater no longer fits me, as I’ve lost so much weight It just wouldn’t look right.) They were a few hrs south of here where SOW lives. Over this weekend for W’s birthday. For someone who’s got so much going on and has a dying mother and W herself wants to be a better mother, she seems to be doing A-okay. Also discovered SOW has my D and her S as a background pic on fbook. D was wearing the sweater I gave her recently. They’re playing house…aughhhh and it just kills me all over again. I wonder If W kicked roommate out so that S can have that bedroom and moved SOW and S in. Since W and SOW should have RN jobs now. Also drives me up a wall W told me we are meant to be together BUT she’s going to continue dating SOW. I feel very selfish saying this but I don’t want W to be happy unless its with me.
I spoke to my roommate and roommate’s bf (he’s officially moving in) and they gave me their two cents. I told hem how It’s a blow to the ego, I’m not talking just looks wise, but I believe I’m a way better catch that SOW. And then They tell me I can’t compare myself to her. They’re right. RBF hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead, he’s so kind. He told me one day I’ll find a “Better” match for me. Who appreciates me. they both seem to think I put all of me out there for W and she just sh!it on it, but I believe they’re biased. RBF has “no doubt” I’ll be better off after this.
A friend told me to make it though jan and feb. that these are tough months on relationships, as you’re coming out of the holidays and many let downs. Idk though, some days, especially this past week I really feel like I can’t anymore. My aunt also asked me how much longer did I want to suffer over this…food for thought.
On my bad days, I wish I could just get over W. I think of everything, all the bad times, things and words that have transpired over the past 10 months, and part of me wants to file for D and NEVER look back. Some days I really wish that could be the case, but I can’t. I do believe we were meant to be forever.
Do I want my W, D and MIL back? Yes. Is it going to happen? Who knows. Can I make it through? Yes. Will I be a better person after all is said and done? Absolutely.
