This is JMHO, but as Kaizen suggests - why not? You seem to be tip toeing around her, not wanting to make waves and worried that you may seem cold.

I understand you hope to save your marriage, but I think a guy who goes - Wow, this isn't working for me and takes solid steps to move forward - is far more attractive.

That would mean (in your mind) dropping her like a stone and making plans for yourself with no reference to her and what she things. It would mean robustly protecting your own interests. Not in a jerk kind of way - but just doing what works for you.

Did you read Defacto's thread? He's a previous poster and I think he got to where you want to be. His D did go through - but he was good regardless (as am I...:-))

Xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus