Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[ccgrrl]

Once again, thank you everyone for really valuable insights. I know this is a place where everyone gets it and everyone knows exactly what I am going through and that has been very valuable as I live in a semi-rural area where there are no live support groups relating to divorce, etc.

Job - I am very sure you are right. As I mentioned earlier, there is an EA (which he does not consider an A at all) and he wants to be with her romantically. In fact, he really wants me to give him permission to do that. All I've really said about it when he's asked is that I can't stop him, but I don't see how that is going to help us heal our wounds and move on if that's what he wants us to do. Although he has said she told me she's uncomfortable being with a married man, I know he will use whatever charms he has left to get her to think of "separated" as not married.

I told him I do not want to discuss our R outside of MC (if we continue that) and that other than the logistics of finances and children, I don't want to engage in conversations with him during the separation until we really have something to talk about. He gave no response, so he'll probably bring it up again... it is always him bringing it up.

Here's another interesting thing.. he's been very keen on my getting an IC. That's fine, I think I need one and I am trying to line one up now, but it's interesting that he cares so much about whether or not I'm going to IC. I'm of two minds on this - either he sees it as a step to change my ways, showing that there could be something to work on or he's just wanting me to be in therapy because he feels guilty, knowing what he's done to my sense of security and stability in dropping this bomb on me.


RE: The Kids...
We're going to be setting up a schedule and I'm not sure if I'm thinking about this right. Normally, before BD, we split the childcare pretty much 50/50 and adjusted it whenever something came up for someone, but now that he's moving out of the house, that seems very disruptive to the kids. If I make it so he sees them less, then I feel like I'm taking on more than the fair share and I will not be able to work as much, which I need to do to support them. I also don't want him to get off scott-free and live in the illusion that he's meeting his share of responsibilities when I'm with them a disproportionate part of the time.

Should I try to keep things the way they are or am I right to see this as very disruptive of the kids' lives, having to live in two places equally?