It seemed pointless to stop her. when someone comes up behind you and rubs your shoulders it's already happening. may as well enjoy it. Telling her to stop felt weird.
Maybe I am wrong about that? Perhaps I should stop her.
Lex23,
Just be sure not to let her walk on your back like a geisha girl. If her mood suddenly changes while she's walking on your back, you could be hurting for a while afterward.
Sorry if any of this is repetitive ... but ... as you think about "confronting" your wife ...
First, I suggest you not think of it as a confrontation. Make it a conversation.
And put the focus on what YOUR boundaries are, what YOU can and want to do to protect your values and your feelings. Focus on being true to YOURself and YOUR values, whatever those might be.
Try hard to NOT take on the role of a parent figure to your wife. Don't set up the exchange as "I am telling you to do XYZ". You can't and don't want to control her. You don't want her to accuse you of controlling her.
Don't make it an ultimatum. "If you don't do XYZ, I'm going to do ABC." That is controlling.
You might say something like this: "You have been infatuated with and pursuing Mr. Minor Celebrity for two months, and are pining to sleep with him. That hurts me too much. I want to be with you but cannot while your heart is elsewhere. I won't keep being physical with you while you are in love with someone else."
About her mental health, while I do think she could use some professional help, I don't think she'd consent, and I don't think you can influence her to consent. You could say something like, "You seem to believe you and Mr. Minor Celebrity have a relationship when he's said nothing to indicate he has any such interest in you. The degree to which you believe that worries me, that you're not seeing things clearly." But your W isn't going to think she needs help until/unless she hits rock bottom.
Anyway, I offer the above as a suggestion. I don't know if it's the right thing to do or say. Look into your heart, Lex, and decide what your own values are for a marriage. Good luck.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I would have serious doubt that the emails are from the celebrity. More than likely it is from someone that works for him. It may not even be a man, but someone using the celebrity's information. If the celebrity has much status or rank, why would he waste his time on some housewife (I know, her artwork.....but still). He would either heavily push for a hook up, or he would drop her. But for him not to take her flirting and sexual suggestions......and use it to his own satisfaction........and/or not respond to it........causes me to believe it is some aide, PR person, secretary, or someone over his fan club. You probably could not convince your W that it is not really the celebrity, but I see little point of you trying to talk to him.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I would have serious doubt that the emails are from the celebrity. More than likely it is from someone that works for him. It may not even be a man, but someone using the celebrity's information. If the celebrity has much status or rank, why would he waste his time on some housewife (I know, her artwork.....but still). He would either heavily push for a hook up, or he would drop her. But for him not to take her flirting and sexual suggestions......and use it to his own satisfaction........and/or not respond to it........causes me to believe it is some aide, PR person, secretary, or someone over his fan club. You probably could not convince your W that it is not really the celebrity, but I see little point of you trying to talk to him.
I can't do to much detail but I know that it is really him. we all had lunch together last summer when I took the family to LA. I didn't know she was flirting with him at the time and the lunch went well with no inappropriate behavior from either person. I have his personal cell phone number and email address.
Best I can figure is that he likes all the free art for his facebook page (wife's art is high quality) but doesn't want anything more. He is also getting free promotion of his interviews and appearances on my W twitter account which has over 5000 followers. so he is getting some things from her.
Lex, (not that it really matters and for what it's worth) I believe that the Minor Celeb's emails are actually from him.
Originally Posted By: Lex23
my W twitter account which has over 5000 followers.
Wow. Then I'm a little surprised she's having such a hard time being self-sufficient financially.
I'm not that familiar with Twitter. Maybe 5000 isn't a big deal?
it's pretty good, she has some real promotional power. The only people who have more are already high profile people. it's more followers than the celeb in question has on his twitter account. It's hard to translate it into art jobs though. Art is a tough business.
A little tangential but ... how did your W build up such a huge following?
Do some of the 5000 fans buy her art on occasion? Seems like if they are interested in seeing her art (through Twitter), they'd want to buy it?
she worked at building up that following by tweeting her art everyday. sometimes it translates to sales of paintings but not as often as she had hoped.
Celebrities tend to have millions of followers. I don't think you can find meaning in 5000 followers, other than she has nice work. A friend of mine has 9,000 simply because she loves running, does a lot of marathons, and posts often, I don't think most of her followers even know her name, she has it altered for privacy. Just sayin.
Lex, how are things going with her?
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
me going semi-dark seems to be effecting her. she is asking me "what am I thinking" now and then and she is paying attention to me and petting on me in bed at night. she still does not want to have sex or wear our ring and she still secretly emails celeb though. so I have no idea what is going on in her head.
my son had a great birthday over the weekend. younger son's birthday is up in feb so hopefully that will go well also.
