Thanx cadet ,so should I stay in total no contact like I have been doing,at Xmas i was going to put a bar of her favorite chocolate thru her letterbox,she would of know it was from me,then I had second thoughts that it was a bad idea,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Thanx cadet ,so should I stay in total no contact like I have been doing,at Xmas i was going to put a bar of her favorite chocolate thru her letterbox,she would of know it was from me,then I had second thoughts that it was a bad idea,
You want to send me a bar of chocolate too? That is pursuing, tbh I do not want you to pursue me. You think she does? You think that will get you closer to your goals?
Well put cadet,I see your right,thank you,don't know why but i dident see it like that
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
I was thinking the last time we spoke was 6months ago,and I let fly at her told her point blank what I thought of her affair,so she is probly thinking I'm done with her,and the bar of choc was to let her know i still care about her,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
She knows how to reach you, right? Has she contacted you in the past 6 months?
I don't see you as the problem. As Cadet has stated, you did not break her and neither can you fix her. To be blunt, it's not about you. Yes, it certainly affects you and your family, however, what ever has thrown your W into this emotional crisis....she has to figure it out and deal with it. Your job, IMHO, is to stay out of her way. Give her the space and freedom to do whatever she wants....as long as it does not directly involve you (if that makes sense). Hard for you, but it detaches you & the MR from her emotional issues. When or if she finally sees that her H is not the problem, and that her M does not have to be a repeat of her parents.....hopefully, she will seek counseling to deal with her past.
If she should initiate some type of contact with you, then you can respond to her. Otherwise, I would not recommend you initiate contact, or anything that you think would be a sign of showing her you still care for her. It's not about you. It is about her demons. If she wants reassurance that you still care about her, she will have her own way of checking. At the moment, it doesn't appear to be priority, so just continue to give her space.
What are you doing to fill your own life? Don't place your life on hold while she's going on her journey through MLC (or whatever). You can do the things you enjoy doing, without answering to another adult.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you sandi2,that's good advice ,I needed that,I'm doing OK got some good friends I'm spending more time with,going to the pub 2 nights a week,met one of my old friends from years ago ,trying to get house all redecorated cooking my self better healthier food,got my self a new pedal bike to get a bit fitter,I go to one of my friends house quite a bit have a bit of fun there,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Sandi2,she is 52 and in the last 2 years as started getting her self covered in tattoos,why do you think she is doing that,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Maly, who knows on the tattoos. Maybe it's a way to rebel. My W had two tattoos from college and about 3 weeks after the BD she got two more. Did your W have tattoos already? Could be her trying to get back to her "self" at some other point in her life.
I will say that I got a couple tattoos in July and it's somewhat addicting for some reason. Already trying to figure out what the next one will be. I imagine that addictive feeling has to be magnified 50 fold in our impulsive Ws right now so maybe that's why she keeps getting them. Just a thought, though sandi probably has a much better answer than I!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
