So to sum up, I think there's a spectrum. On one end of the spectrum is a friendship that would border on what most would consider 'cake-eating'. In the middle there's the relationship I have, quiet, calm, consistent, mature, and honorable. On the other end is reacting emotionally, possessively, punitively, jealously, resentfully, and just immaturely and irresponsibly. I think that you start at the friendly end of the spectrum but with clear boundaries in place, then move towards the middle as needed to protect yourself and based on her behavior. But you never cross the line yourself onto the dark side yourself. Always act in a way that will allow you to look in the mirror and feel good about who you are. Then you'll know that you did everything you could to stand by and save your marriage. You may end up divorced, you may not, but either way you won't be burdened with guilt and doubt about the way you handled it.
Post often and get a DB coach. Hope to hear from you again. We're all here for you.
Zues,
Thank you so much. This is very helpful. While our situations are different, I read yours because I could hear my W's voice in some of your W's complaints. You were also very forthcoming with how your thinking evolved over time and that too was helpful.
Yes, the plan is to start on the friendly end of the spectrum and see what happens from there. And yes, I have a DB coach, who also suggested this approach.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
