Laowai -- the only comparison game you should be playing is comparing who you are, right now, with the man you want to be. Be very honest, identify the things you want to change, set goals to get there, and get going. You may not save your M. You will save your Self.

Also, box all of that stuff up and put the box out of sight! You don't have to throw it away, but quit torturing yourself and get it out of your sight. It will hurt in the moment that you're taking the stuff down and putting it away, but you need to pull that Band-Aid all the way off, IMO, or it will hurt every day and hold you in place. Is this place, where you're keeping yourself, a good one? Why cling to it, then?

Me: 46
W: 44
Married: 17
Together 21
D13; S10
BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you)
Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage
Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)