Hi again, I was writing before your lost post came up. I'm sorry to say this and hope I'm wrong but in my case W wanting an immediate D and no working on anything was because OP was already in the picture. W also told me how she did research and how kids were resilient and would be just fine!! She also wanted to be the victim to justify it in her head.
I wish I had some good advice about talking to the kids mine are 8 and 6 (7 and 5 at BD time) and it was hard. Although I don't have good advice be sure to be their rock. They know a lot more than we think and will sense who the sane one is and rely on you for their stability.
