Love is a decision - my story

[Gordie]

Rose888,

Thank you for your reply. Let me clarify this a little better. It should have been worded a little different now looking back at it. I am not necessarily asking her to forgive me but for me to make my amends with her. As I said above she is not going to bring it up. She would not do this even if we were on best terms ever. She does not bring anything up ever that would cause confrontation because of her personality she hates that and is scared of that. That’s why in the past I have used it against her because I knew that if I got her upset it would be easier for her to give in to what I wanted. Also she wants me to read her mind and guess what she wants because in her mind if she tells me then it is not me doing it. But from what I understand now there are many other women that do that to. So what I am asking is how often should I ask her if she is ready to sit down face to face so I can make my full amends with her?

And thank you on your point of view because I agree with you on that it would be disrespectful to keep asking all of the time. I do see your point on timing and her being willing. Do you believe this would be the same thing?

Gordie,

Thanks for your reply. It is good to see what you did and helps me understand a bit better. I understand the necessity to put in what you have done and put it across in that you truly do understand. As is put in above on some of this and will clarify a few things better. I did sit down and make a long list of things that I need to apologies for but I want to do it face to face so she can see my face and my eyes besides just my voice. I know I am very remorseful for what I have done and want to make it right. I agree that timing is everything to with it. I just do not want to do it over the phone. Right now she still does not want to see me and I have completely quit asking too. What are the thoughts on doing it over the phone or in person?

Yes. I agree all of these important conversations should be face to face. Phone is second best. Right now, it seems like she's not open to these discussions, right? Back off and try with the small steps of just building a friendship where she is willing to be in your presence. It seems like you have a decent relationship with the kids. Maybe try to plan a family outing. Can you guys go to church together or to dinner or to an activity and just be civil with no R talks? Once that is safe, can you have one family meal together per week at a restaurant or at your place? From there, maybe you guys can go have a coffee together? Baby steps. No relationship talks--too stressful.