Never good enough

[010207]

I've come to the conclusion that my H is a darn good DBer, without ever even reading the book.
180 - he's got that down pat
As if - he does this well too
Detach - he's so far gone I have no idea how to talk to him
GAL - yup, did that too

And you know, it worked! I sure am scrambling to work on things. I wish he was doing it for the same reasons.

I read through some of the links Cadet posted earlier. I had already read some of them, but I stumbled on an old post that just hit me like a ton of bricks. The poster said look in the mirror and what do you see? I don't like what I see. Hate it actually. This isn't who I want to be. And if I can't stand my reflection, no wonder he can't either.

I think I just stopped being me partly because it didn't matter what I did, it was never going to be enough and partly because I became "mom".

Felt pretty good after this revelation. Decided that 180 is going to work for me if for no other reason than to be happy with myself. Hopefully that will trickle to H.

That "high" lasted a solid hour or so before anxiety kicked in. But it was an hour I hadn't planned on so I'll take it.

I love yoga, Chris73. I hadn't done it in a while but ironically went back to it 2 days ago. I will take your advice and get some books at the library too.

Cristy, thank you. I work for a large company who closed our office several years ago. Due to distance, I work solely from home. I'm looking for a new position though because I am desperately going to need a better paycheck if things don't improve.

He's asked me to go to our niece's birthday party. I agreed. I have a large family party the following weekend, do I invite him? I haven't though he knows the kids and I are going. Do I let him see life goes on without him, or put myself out there and see if I can get him to spend time together? I have no idea the response I'd even get.