I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's a hard time. And detachment is hard and I keep wondering to myself how it would help. I keep trying to do a 180. My old self would argue with my W, yell, and even berate and be controlling. I have and hate to admit, but mentally abused my W. She told me her heart was filled with depression and she just wants to be single, which I take as not with me. She's told me this about 5 times. I am now noticing my new 180 pattern is to brush something off when she says something negative to me,if she wants to stay at a friends house, I don't argue with her and the hardest part is if I was mad at her I would shut down and not talk to her. I just want to talk to her.
There is no easy way back, and if there was I wish I knew it. M is very hard, and no one she be emotionally and mentally abused. I'm just saying don't be codependent. You should have to be with your H, but want to be.
Do you think he knows what buttons to push to get you upset? Then act the opposite next time. Just be friendly and act happy around him. Right now if he sees you depressed, he might think he's " winning". Don't let that happen. Don't beg, just try to be happy in front of him, even if you have to fake it
