Love is a decision - my story

[Seeker7]

There is so much truth in that statement, remember you are trying to undo 21 years of "bad habits" and it has only been a a few months. Remember too that they are "very" observant during this time. I was shocked at the examples/slips my W latched on to over the last year where she didn't see me changing.

Yes there is. That is one thing that I learned for my AA is that time takes time and so does proof. One thing that I did learn in one of the first books I read on wining you EX back is that the quickest way they can see changes in you is through other people telling them. Like relatives and friends telling them that they have seen changes in me. The reason is, is that she does not trust me but she still trusts them. I know some people have told her that because they have told me. I know my kids have noticed changes in me and am sure they have told her. So I know she sees some. One thing for me is it was easy for others to notice changes quickly because of my addiction. Her problem was not the person I was but the person I became in my addiction. I am just going to continue on the path I am on and see what happens.

I have been trying to think of some hobbies to do but have not found anything that really interests me. I do go to a lot of AA meeting and have a great group of guys that I have as a support system and they have really helped me out. Thanks for the advice on the Divorce and Separated groups. I have not thought of that and will check them out. I agree with you 100% that talking to people in person about your sich is a big help. I am involved with several things at my church and one of those is my spiritual advisor. He has helped me out a bunch.

I know what book you are talking about and I did listen to it in an audio book. It was very insightful. That was one thing I had to totally step away from is trying to fix her. I would never just try to understand her and try to come up with solutions to the issues. Now I know that women want to be understood and not fixed unless they specifically ask for help to fix something. There is a good 5 min video on YouTube called "It's not about the nail" It was insightful in a funny way on what women want.

I don't know if there's any forum statistics, but this forum definitely seems to be more skewed to more Men vs. Women, which is interesting especially given that the statistics around A's are skewed the opposite way (More men have A's)

Statistics is quite interesting. Here is one for you 2/3 of marriage divorces are initiated by females but years after the divorce 2/3 of the females that got divorced wished there H would have tried harder to save the marriage.

This one comes from several different sites and there are some variance in the numbers depending on when and where. So please do not quote me on this because it all coming from memory. 45% of 1st M end in divorce. Out of that only 60% get remarried. Up to 70% of second marriages end in divorce. Out of that only about 50% of second marriages that work are happier in there second marriage after 5 years. And out of the second marriages that are happy a lot of those came from marriages in very abusive situations or form marriages that only lasted a few years. So if you do the math you have about a 5% chance of having a happier second marriage if you do not fall in one of those two categories. Know here is the kicker. You have a very high chance of being happier then ever in your current marriage as long as both parties are willing to do the work necessary to make it work right.

Here is one about A. Over 50% of marriages have an A but only 20% of divorces are because of an A.