However, right now I am preparing to confront the W and her affair. This cannot go on any longer.
Again, it comes back to you having a PLAN.
What are you going to do in this confrontation? You going to say "him or me"? "I wont live in a 3 person marriage"? Then be prepared for her to say she doesnt love you and doesnt want to be with you and is ready for divorce.
What then?
Im not saying that confronting is the wrong move. I just think you need to be prepared that it wont go as you hope or expect.And if it doesnt, whats next?
What are you going to do in this confrontation? You going to say "him or me"? "I wont live in a 3 person marriage"? Then be prepared for her to say she doesnt love you and doesnt want to be with you and is ready for divorce.
What then?
I've reached the point where I can handle hearing this. If she wants to divorce me I will make it clear that I don't want that and I will leave the door open for her to change her mind as long as I can. She will have to do all the divorce work but I won't block her. I don't see the point of blocking her if she really wants out.
At the beginning of this week I went dark as much as possible. I thought it would be good for me to try to let go 100% on the run up to exposing W affair. I didn't expect anything to happen I was just doing it for me. I thought that it would help me practice for what is ahead. I was very polite and answered when spoken to but nothing more. She seemed to notice within the first 24 hours. By the second day she was rubbing me and being extra friendly. currently she seems to be trying to find out what is going on with me without actually asking questions or admitting that she cares. So bizarre! Can she really be that cold and cynical? Is her concern real? It makes my head spin.
I think BluWave's advice is spot on. The only thing I would add is that it sounds like your W has lost touch with reality. Technically, this is psychosis. Do you know the Eminem song Stan? In that song, the fan (Stan) thinks he has an actual relationship with Eminem, though in reality they don't know each other. However, the fantasy is so real to Stan, that it makes him do some really horrific things in real life. In your situation, there is no guarantee that the fantasy will end even if: (1) the celebrity outright rejects your W or (2) you expose the A. If I were you, I would consult a mental health professional on how to handle your W's psychosis.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
If she wants to divorce me I will make it clear that I don't want that and I will leave the door open for her to change her mind as long as I can. She will have to do all the divorce work but I won't block her.
I wouldnt say the part in blue.
My point was more that a confrontation is a one-shot deal. And you arent going to know how she will react to it. So be prepared for anything and try to keep your cool.
As I said, you should have a long term plan for what you want for you. And your words and actions during this discussion should align with that.
At the beginning of this week I went dark as much as possible. I thought it would be good for me to try to let go 100% on the run up to exposing W affair. I didn't expect anything to happen I was just doing it for me.
Originally Posted By: Lex23
By the second day she was rubbing me and being extra friendly. currently she seems to be trying to find out what is going on with me without actually asking questions or admitting that she cares.
This doesnt sound like 'going dark' at all. Were you just not pursuing or actively trying to be in LRT? In my mind, you allowing this continued behavior undermines yourself. Why are you being present enough to allow this kind of physical contact?
If I were you, I would consult a mental health professional on how to handle your W's psychosis.
I dont think so at all. Your W has said she doesnt want to be with you...she hates you...etc etc. This is not YOUR problem to fix. I think you should be setting boundaries around yourself - not trying to control or 'handle' your W's issues.
This doesnt sound like 'going dark' at all. Were you just not pursuing or actively trying to be in LRT? In my mind, you allowing this continued behavior undermines yourself. Why are you being present enough to allow this kind of physical contact?
I might have used the wrong words when I said "going dark" we are very close and our daily routines are together. Going truly dark is almost impossible for me at this time. Also, we are not actively fighting, we get along fine. To be more specific, I stopped all pursuit of any kind and spent my free time on my own. I minimized all conversation and just answered politely when she wanted to talk. Just that small pull back got an instant reaction from her. It was unexpected and not even what I was thinking about.
If I were you, I would consult a mental health professional on how to handle your W's psychosis.
I dont think so at all. Your W has said she doesnt want to be with you...she hates you...etc etc. This is not YOUR problem to fix. I think you should be setting boundaries around yourself - not trying to control or 'handle' your W's issues.
Agree with darknes...sorry if I didn't say that correctly...my suggestion to consult a mental health professional on how to handle your W's psychosis...was a suggestion of getting help for YOURSELF
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
In my mind, you allowing this continued behavior undermines yourself. Why are you being present enough to allow this kind of physical contact?
It seemed pointless to stop her. when someone comes up behind you and rubs your shoulders it's already happening. may as well enjoy it. Telling her to stop felt weird.
Maybe I am wrong about that? Perhaps I should stop her.
