Aftermath

[TimR]

Guess its been quite some time since I have been on here and journaled. Honestly I avoid this board any more because it brings back the anxiety I felt, what now seems a completely different life.

What brings me on today... I do not know. But since I am here, I might as well journal a bit.

Currently there is no movement in the D. I do not even bring it up anymore. I will wait my time then finalize it, as soon as time expires.

My moods are good. Funny to read back through my posts (and stressful) but it seems like a different person who wrote that stuff or a long long time ago. Last year at this time, I was living in a gym or my bosses apartment, plagued by constant anxiety and desperately clinging to any positive interpretations I could glean from her actions or words. Now if I did not have to deal with her because of my boys she would be a distant bad memory. I am proud of how far I have come.

Her moods. I am sincere when I write I think she needs mental health treatments. One day she will tell me how I am the best father those boys ever had and how I am always there for them. The next day, without any contact with her or the boys, she will tell me what a piece of sh!t I am. Seems to be contingent on her personal mood and whatever is going on in her life. But overall at least it is not as often to my face, rather from what I understand she vents to her mom.

I had posted before about how could I ever love or trust again... Well for anyone who may read this and are in bleak times, trust me you can! I have been dating the same wonderful girl now (my previous post I referred to her as my jogging partner) and at first just kept telling myself to enjoy the time together but when it ends don't fret over it. I felt unworthy to have someone who appreciated me and looked for signs of impending doom. Now I trust her completely and am in love with her. So no matter what road your own journey takes, you are resilient and will heal!

Good luck to everyone out there experiencing this trauma, my heart breaks for you. BUT you will heal in time. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour and the pain will eventually subside, the memories will fade. You will come out of this stronger and wiser.