WW confused about the future.

[Sotto]

Hi Excile, I'm sorry you are finding it hard to move forwards after your D has finalised. For me it was something of a light switch and this man was no longer my husband - just someone else's boyfriend and that did help me to let go.

I notice you are also in the UK and one thing that really helped me was Divorce Recovery Workshop. If you google that, there are a number of local groups who organise workshops for separated and divorced people.

WRT your XW, I think (for yourself) you need to work towards letting go of your great desire to reconcile. How is that helping and serving you? Please put your focus on healing from this and moving forward independently following your divorce. In truth, I would even think reconciliation may be more likely if you do this - but don't do it for that reason - do it because there is a life to be lived - your life!

Presumably you are living separately now, so why do you see the kids at your W's residence? It would be perfectly reasonable for you to pick them up and drop them off, spending quality time with them at your own place. All of this is within your gift. I think you just need to have a think about what works for you now. If reconciliation is to happen here, it won't happen this month, or next - so how can you live life as your best self during that time?

Let's see you making some plans to shape the life you want, given all present circumstances. Also, you may find the book 'growing through divorce' by Jim Smoke helpful.

Good luck with everything my friend