Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[SBJ]

I feel like there are two things I need to deal with: 1 - his mlc and how to proceed in our separation arrangements and 2 - my own ambivalence about the relationship. I just don't have any respect for someone who walks about of a 23 year marriage with children without first doing the work to fix our relationship. I can't get past that... maybe that will change, maybe he will realize this, or maybe I will see past in somehow, but right now I feel like an idiot hanging onto a relationship that, according to him, has been a sinking ship for a decade!

I agree with you about the respect factor...how can someone just leave after such a long and happy relationship. If you haven't read the thread on here that deals with the MLC script it is time you did.

This "crisis" has them seeing things differently and also has them re-inventing things about your M and relationship that either never happened or didn't happen the way they see it. We have a joke in our family when the kids remember something from their early childhood differently than it actually happened. We call them "false memories". They, my kids, do remember the event, but were really too young to remember it totally. I think the same thing happens to the MLC'r. They were with us thru the entire relationship, but because of this crisis, they are seeing things the way they want to see them...not the way they actually happened.

My W said similar things about us...at first it was, "we haven't been happy for a year, then it was years, then it was a decade, then it was since my oldest was born...". It is a total confusion on their part. You know what you two have had together. You are the rock of your family. You are the only one fighting for your family. Let your kids know that, mom was there holding our family together. They will remember that. They are your number 1 priority right now. He has to figure out his.