Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[ccgrrl]

Thanks everyone...

The uncertainty is very troubling for me as I'm someone who is more decisive in most situations. I generally work through issues in a timely way and come to decisions that will improve things for me - I'm speaking about issues at work, creative stuff, etc. Here's an example of how things go around here...

He's made it clear in MC and in private that if money wasn't an issue, he would be filing for divorce right now, but he's open to the trial separation because it's the only thing we can financially do - and he's emphatic that it is not because he has any doubts about our marriage being over and done. All that being said, his mother has a summer house near us that is empty until the end of June, so we did talk about him moving in there. At first he didn't want to have to tell her what was up, but now has told her and she's agreed to let him stay there if we just pay utilities. This idea has been flying around for probably 6 weeks and his problem with it is that he doesn't feel he would be standing on his own two feet if he just moves from "my house" to her house.

Well, then yesterday morning he told me he looked for an apartment or two and it's too expensive so he thinks he will just move into her house, but he's not happy about it. I just said, "yeah that is a tough thing," and went about my day. Later on he was having trouble with the printer, so I was trying to help. What is it he was printing? Paperwork to file divorce, even though we agreed to put that off. I told him he probably shouldn't leave those papers around because of the kids. He told me he was only printing it for the therapist to see.

Next conversation later in the day is about how we'll need to replace the deck on our house in the spring. What? Does that mean he is going to be here in the spring?
Ugh....

I am going on a day trip today to a museum and setting up an appointment with my own IC, as well as calling that organization our MC recommended. I feel like there are two things I need to deal with: 1 - his mlc and how to proceed in our separation arrangements and 2 - my own ambivalence about the relationship. I just don't have any respect for someone who walks about of a 23 year marriage with children without first doing the work to fix our relationship. I can't get past that... maybe that will change, maybe he will realize this, or maybe I will see past in somehow, but right now I feel like an idiot hanging onto a relationship that, according to him, has been a sinking ship for a decade!