So that's why I am looking to reconcile. Because I blame myself. I know how he reacted was his choice but I feel I set him up to a certain extent. And I don't want to be that person I was. I'm making changes - every day. I want him to give me, the person I want to be, the person I am becoming, a chance.
I told him on Sunday I wanted to try again. He said he didn't. I said I could forgive him. He said he couldn't forgive me.
I asked him on Sunday if he would at least think about spending time with me, to get to know me again. One day a week, and to talk on the phone regularly. To see if we could be friends again. If we could be friends again he could perhaps reconsider saving the marriage. And even if he didn't it would help us co-parent. He said he would think about it. He popped by yesterday to see our son and said he was still thinking about it. I know he's waiting to see how I react in today's mediation session. And I don't really know how to act given that what we both want is completely the opposite of the other.
I am going to try to be the person I want to be. Not just because I want to save the marriage, but for me. So I am resolving to be to be firm but respectful, thoughtful and considered, no shooting off the hip, no negativity, no anger.
