I have been focussed on saving the marriage so much because I blamed myself for the As.
JujuB - I went through and read through your sitch and saw at one stage you felt the same way - did the way you feel change?
The first two EAs were back to back - he propositioned his first EA and she backed off and then he went straight to the second. Then she eventually backed off and he told me it was a dreadful mistake, blah blah. I wanted to believe him so much and also felt guilt for 'driving' him away - I have a hot temper and was really disrespectful in the way I spoke to him, really angry all the time. We worked on things for a year and were really happy, then conceived our little one.
When my son was a year old I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time, a much wanted baby. The doctors told me if I kept the baby it was likely we might both not make it because the cancer was aggressive. I went with the termination as recommended - couldn't find a single doctor who would tell me to keep the baby. The termination was much much harder to deal with than the cancer - with the cancer my hands were tied, but the baby... that was my decision and I regret it every day.
WH didn't want to talk about the baby at all. He would get really angry and say "what would you do - leave me and your son behind?" He said I was being totally selfish. To this day he's never really spoken to me about it.
Later when he was leaving for OW he told me he thought he exited the marriage around two years ago. Which would bring us to the time of the cancer and chemo. I feel he just couldn't cope - he's always been about fun and having a good time and then suddenly there was nothing about his life with me that was fun or good. And so he checked out.
