Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[ccgrrl]

UPDATE...

So today I had my private session with the MC. (H has his next week). She really totally gets what's happening here and says she feels the anger coming from him and agrees that this may not be the most productive time for counseling together. She said she wants to talk to him privately first and then when we all come back in together we can talk about whether or not it makes sense to be in MC together at this stage.

She felt that he is really in a crisis mode and his physically moving out of our house would give us both more space for it to really sink in what he is talking about doing. And she also said it was very common and that what we're going through is just part of the stages of marriage that pretty much everyone goes through if they last this long, it's just that his MLC and general lack of coping skills are causing him to get stuck on this divorce idea as a kind of fantasy escape from reality and responsibility.

She also referred me to a local organization that offers free & low-cost financial and legal advice to women with regard to divorce and separation and she encouraged me to find an IC to help me work through my own emotions, as his behavior is beginning to make me really angry and I'm not sure I will be able to forgive and forget when the MLC is all over (if he's even around then).

I'm starting to see how all of this is impacting my children. They are confused because they see we are rarely in the same room together other than our nightly family dinner, which actually is generally pretty nice. The older one (S13) is even tossing around the term "midlife crisis" - I think he is actually googling it... smart kid.

I do feel the in-house separation is really tough. Every time he is in the house with me, I feel horrible anxiety and I can't function properly. I get all worried about what I look like, worried about whether the house is clean and comfortable enough for him, and if he approaches me to talk about anything, I'm all tied up in knots trying to figure out how to handle the conversation - whether it's him asking where the salt is or it's a talk about the separation.

I don't know if anyone on the board has done the in-house AND the physical separation and can tell me if they found any relief in their spouse leaving the house for a time? Anyone?