Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 8

[PsySara]

Skyhigh,
As usual your words are very wise and concise. I was making tea for myself this morning and made WH a cup as well. He was saying his morning prayers and I asked the nanny to let him know because I had to finish getting ready for work. I then started my morning prayers and WH came in as if to speak to me. He saw me praying and went to work. I am not sure what he was going to say but frankly I made the ea as an act of kindness. I ahve been re-reading my notes from the DBing coach and he recommended a soft and kind approach. I am working on making myself a softer and warmer (less angry/reactive) woman. Don;t get me wrong, I am not some screaming harridan but I also have quite the temper.

Next week is WH's birthday and I am thinking of having a cookie bouquet from the kids sent to his job. The two older kids are starting to understand birthdays and realize WH's birthday is soon.

Surfer,
I am definitely not at the point where I would be okay if I found out WH was in another relationship. While I don't think I would be explosive anymore I definitely would put his stuff on the porch and have the locks changed before he got home. I feel this is step up from my initial impulse to set his wardrobe/cars/bikes on fire.

Today I got home before WH and dressed super nice again, touched up my makeup and let my heair down. WH came home and did a double take. He greeted me and asked how my day was, I responded it was great (it was) and talked about how the baby is suddenly walking. There were some smiles and then WH ate dinner with the kids. He then looked perplexed, kept sneaking looks at me and then suddenly went to the spare room and went to bed. (this is a common coping mechanism when he becomes emotionally overwhelmed and shuts down) I actually consider this a bit of a positive move forward, it shows deep conflict. If he was apathetic then I would know he is just finished. Another day he has not gone to a lawyer or filed. Another day of the gift of time.

In more news I am already starting to see my belly start to become defined from running at the gym. I really hate running but it is the most efficient way to get toned. I am sleeping better after taking an extremely light dose of an antidepressant that removes nightmares secondary to PTSD. I feel stable, strong and happy. I find myself more in the "now" and focused at work and with my kids.