Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #6]

[PsySara]

One thing that has been helping me recently with WH's sullenness and reframing is understanding that this is his journey and the best thing I can do is step out of his path and walk my own. When he is sullen and moody with me (which is a constant right now) I realize he is doing some internal battle. The fact is, if he was dead certain he would have filed by now. But he is not certain, there is doubt and I am doing my hardest not to add to his list of "cons." I stay upbeat and confident, gym running has helped me immensely with this respect.

My main goal for now is to diminish my reactivity. So when he comes home all sullen and grumbly I smile t him, greet him and then dive into playing with the kids. I am refusing to let him see my struggle right now, strangely enough my struggle has started to diminish. This week I have drive to his job (twice) to invite him for lunch and stopped myself as soon as I pick up the phone. This is an accomplishment for me. I pat myself on the back for resisting my desperate impulses to "prove" to my WH that I am worthy fighting for. The fact is, we love these broken people in spite of their mistakes, poor judgement and flaws. We just have to resist the urge to jump on the sword in an effort to save our marriages. Make small goals daily. For example, mine have been to resist sending useless texts to WH. Also to appear at my absolute best when WH and I cross paths each day.