where to begin or end? #2

[jade]

A bit of journaling now. This sunday my mother watched kids while i worked, they baked cookies and were packing some to go take home for us, when one of my kids added "and OM name?" My mom kinda went off saying that she did not like him. Then eventually asked if wifes parents liked OM? To which my kids replied with "they dont think so." Good news for me because ive often felt that inlaws have been playing me a little at times. Because i hear that, they talk with me alot about the situation, but then, MIL is helping W build a pintrest bunkbed for OM apartment...

My lawyer has the seperation/divorce papers ready. I havent decided if or when i might file, but they are ready and hes gonna sit on them for now.

It is getting harder and harder to want to stay true to the marriage, im partly excited or looking forward to being completly single, but acting right now still feels as though id be cheating. I still want to spend the rest of mt life with my wife, i had that her new memories arent ones we share, or that id even want to hear about post possible reconciliation.
I also have trouble with GALing, mainly trying to start new and build new life and friendships. or revert, by picking up where i left off 12 years ago and reconnect and get back to my roots...