Wife has filed for divorce

[Gordie]

Sorry, looking back from the beginning:

***Our issues started when my wife was pregnant with our first son. I was away for job training at a hotel, got really drunk one of the nights, cheated on her and I had a child out of wedlock because of that. I do not have contact with that child but have paid child support all of these years. We tried counseling early on but we never repaired our relationship and she never forgave me even though she stayed with me.***

She never forgave you but stayed with you, parented with you, continued to have a relationship with you, continued to have sex with you, had two more kids with you?

***A few years after I cheated on her the first time, I carried on a 3 month affair with someone at work because this person made me feel good about myself but I was caught because of phone calls and ended the affair. She told me if anything like this ever happened again we would be done. We were in counseling at the time but it did not help, she has never forgiven me for the past, I have been faithful since but still angry with myself and constantly struggling with stress due to the past and financial struggles. We basically moved forward without ever solving our issues.***

You did it again, she didn't end the relationship, but you still didn't resolve your issues. What's keeping the relationship together? Does she really love you and is really forgiving? Or was she dependent on you financially, emotionally, etc. and didn't see a way out? Does she have strict religious or other convictions/social values that kept her in the M?

***I started changing for the better 4 years ago and am in a better place now and became the husband I always should have been, while my wife has gone the opposite way and is filled with anger, bitterness, selfishness and unforgiveness. She has been talking about possibly divorcing for the last year and a half and finally filed last month.***

Okay, she's been thinking about this for a LOOONG time. She's also at the perfect age for a MLC (if so, read the homework in that forum). We know she's unhappy with her M. Is she unhappy about other things? Her appearance? Aging/health? Educational/professional goals? Being more than just a W and mother? Is she involved with an OM or has she identified a POM?