Make an appointment with your GP or a psychiatrist so you can explore to take something to help you (just a few months), you need to have those obsessing thoughts to go down (I resisted a few months, I was a fool, taking something helped tremendously), you are dealing with PTSD, even if you are a big/tough man you cannot deal with it yourself, you need help.
Not everyone will agree with this suggestion, but I do. 3 months after the first BD I started noticing that I was so obsessed with what was going on that couldn't concentrate on my work. I was fluctuating between panic and depression. Since then I've been on low doses of 2 medications to help with the problem. Understand that the medication doesn't make the problem go away, nor does it make you not care anymore. But it does take the edge off so that you can be productive. The most important thing to remember is to ensure that you seek a qualified Psych MD. And be patient, some meds take a couple weeks to start working.
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
