Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #2

[sandi2]

Good point. I had thought it was part of the technique to detach without being cold, but

Here's the way I see it. Don't take the abuse with a smile on your face. Don't reward the abuser. Give no indication that abusive behavior is acceptable.

I would speak in a calm, yet serious tone voice.

Your W is manipulating you like crazy. She abuses you and then says ILY.....or initiates sex.....or wants cuddling. And YOU.....you are so mixed up that you think you are in competition with your W's lover. So every time you have sex with her, you want to ring a bell and say you are ahead in the race to win your W, .....who is also your abuser.

I was not clear on that. DR and the 37 rules just said don't tell her ILY and nothing about how to respond. So if when says it, would you advise saying nothing, or making a comment regarding her A being at odds with that statement. She has also been saying it in text messages quite a bit recently.

Well.....if you are going to have sex, cuddle, and all the hugs/kisses, it seems rather pointless to not respond in like manner. Do you see what I mean? The way you act/respond gives a message to her. Whatever you want that message to be, I think it should be consistent ....don't you?

Decide your goals and how you will accomplish them.
Decide your personal boundaries (protecting yourself), based on your values, standards, etc.