Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 6)

[JRuss]

FG -- Thanks for asking, but nothing to report, really. Amicable roommates right now seems to be the status quo. W has seemed to relax some since we had our "we're going to divorce this summer" conversation, so there's not the same level of simmering anger I was experiencing previously, which helps keep things calm(er). I have some honestly pretty darn good moments here and there punctuated with some still really bad ones (e.g., imagining her with my replacement(s), getting preoccupied with not being attractive to her and the rejection inherent in that, seeing my kids (especially S10) already struggling and being fearful of what's coming, etc.). It's not nearly as bad as it was, though, so that's something to be very grateful for.

Still GALing. Still actually DBing as much as possible. Not really thinking in terms of it helping with R but more for me to continue trying to detach and continue to build emotional strength. She's going to have to file fairly soon if she wants to stay on schedule and have the divorce be final in early summer, since we have a mandatory "cooling off" period of 90 days here between filing and the earliest date on which an uncontested divorce can be granted. That will be rough, I think, seeing it in black and white for the first time when I get served.

In hindsight,the moment she hired the divorce coach was the beginning of the end. I never did get any momentum going away from divorce after that happened. I think it (divorce busted) was never going to happen with an in-house separation, though -- just would have taken (even) longer to get where we are right now.

How are you? I know you were going to reject your W's proposed divorce-then-live-together-for-a-year proposal but haven't been around as much to follow up and see where things have gone with your sitch since. I hope things are as good as possible.