Hi, Lex. I am sorry you are here. I just glanced over this thread in one sitting and can see that you are spinning all over the place. You are up and down and trying very hard to convince us (yourself) that your sitch is not so bad. I don't agree. The details of all of our sitches cannot be compared, but your W is checked out, and that is where you stand unfortunately.

I do think you have been getting very good advice here. Perhaps you don't want to take it because you are afraid it won't work? Or perhaps you don't want to accept the reality of your sitch because it's too painful? You seem very defensive, maybe you feel attacked, but I am reading that everyone wants to help you. They want you to open your eyes to the fact that your M that you knew is over. She may have bursts of doubt or affection for you, but overall she has been consistently pining for someone else and you are in denial about that. You just recently acknowledged that she would leave you for him, however this is not new information.

You seem to be searching and waiting for that perfect moment of what you can do or say that will snap her out of this fog. You are walking on eggshells trying to be the wonderful H and ready to catch her when she falls. You think that if you can blow up her world--expose her A (even if one sided)--then she will be ready so see things clearly and recommit to the M.

I am sorry, but I don't think it will play out this way. Not for you and not for anyone. DB is not about control or about convincing your W that she should be with you. DB is about taking the focus OFF of her and her every move, and putting the focus on to you, GAL, 180, and detachment. Let her go. Then one day down the line--after she has grown and can see more clearly--you will be ready to enter the difficult process of piecing. And that is only if she decides to come back.

I don't think exposing her A will bring her back to you. My guess is she may get angry and defensive--perhaps feel ashamed--and even deny all of it. You can bet that her wall will go up even higher. So if you want to expose it because it feels like the right thing to do, and you are tired of living a lie with her, then by all means do it! I know I would have done that a long time ago! I don't see living a lie with her as honorable, I actually see it as cowardly. I am sorry but I do.

However if your only reason for exposing is to win her back, then sadly I think you are in for a very painful awakening. So there is no hurry to do anything, but please hurry and let her go so you can be a better man for you.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela