Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 8

[skyhigh]

Great post SM34, I am totally with you with what you wrote.

Sara when you detach, you are detaching from reacting to their words or acts but you can still care for them and do act of kindness from time to time as you would do for a friend (a meal, a cake, his favorite gums, his favorite snacks... whatever you can think he might like).

You cannot analyze his words for what they are because they don't make sense, you are trying to make sense of the words of somebody who is in total limbo. MLCers need to persuade themselves that they hate us so they can justify their words and actions. They are in so much pain that they need to spew and hurt us deeply even during when they are ambivalent, it's like they want to push us to make a decision so they can be relieved of making one.

I totally agree with you how infuriating it is when they are playing the victims, ignoring the pain they caused us (our son went into deep depression and tried to kill himself while he was back in contact with OW1). I just wanted to jump to his throat... he took and it still takes a lot of self control not to react to some words (piecing is not a road paved with flowers, it's still a roller coaster but not as bad as before). MLCers are selfish by nature they are just interested into themselves, keep that in mind, you absolutely cannot make them see things the same way you see them. Their mind is NOT rational.

STOP analyzing his words, you are torturing yourself for nothing. I went though that before you and now I can see it was just pure waste of my time, energy and mental health so please detach and GAL until he figures out what he wants on his own. Don't pursue him in a sexual way, just try to be his friend first, the rest will come on his own, otherwise he might feel pressure.

That why you need boundaries and no verbal arguing, the same as with teenage boys, that's what my male colleagues taught me on day 1 a few years ago.