One of the major points is that I believe firmly that you cannot nice your W back.
The W is riding high on infatuation hormones and clearly sees her husband as an obstacle to her happiness. Now the W is pleasant when the things are going her way, when the H is giving her all that she wants, the space, the time to chase the illicit affair and she is happiest is she can get the poor schmuck to pay for it as well (phone, insurance,...). So she has the appearance of being a good wife on one side and the LOVE addiction riding high on the other side. Her only aim is to end the marriage and live the love that she is convinced by now, she was robbed of. She is clearly delusional, but she will only come to realize that months or years from now (if at all).
The H giving in to all her demands will only make him look pathetic in her eyes. She could not possibly respect such a wuss. So if he gives in to her demands he will look pathetic in her eyes and a wuss, and if he stands his ground, she will be pissed at him. But the seed of respect will be planted...
