Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 8

[SM34]

Sara, I have read up on your story. Firstly, I'd like to say that you are a very intelligent, well educated, articulate and interesting woman who also has a sense of humor. This is a powerful combination that puts your H already in the "fool" category for even pulling this stunt..

I see lots of positives in your situation, as difficult as that might seem for you to see right now. H will cycle between hot and cold all the time. Don't ride that roller coaster with him.

So I've seen you mention that he is "from a culture that..." and I see all the Arabic here and there. So I'm curious if you and your H have the same background? I do think information like that is quite relevant as different cultures and different up bringings can set up different expectations of marriage and different views on what is and is not acceptable.

You are doing great! Sit back and let H work through his problems. When he mentions a D, simply say "That is not what I want, but if that is what you want then I wont stop you form filing". Smile and walk away.

When he chooses to spend time with you and the family take that as a good thing. If he doesn't say a word, don't worry.. he is listening and he is watching. And he is trying to figure out if this is all worth giving up or not. A strong woman who loves and enjoys her kids, can raise two kids and baby, have a strong career, and deal with all the turbulence he is causing you, all while smiling and showing grace, is a MASSIVE turn on. He is watching and he is taking notes. And whether he admits it or not, he is unsure.

It is the times when they act the meanest that they are least sure about what they are doing. In his mind you have many negative qualities. Except lately you've changed and now he's not sure what happened to the old Sara. The new Sara doesn't have those qualities that he needs to use to justify to himself the decision of leaving his family. Men need a stronger reason than women do, because they also become part time parents (every other weekend in some cases). You've removed some of the big reasons now and that will cause him to be angry.

Be aware that he has re written your history together into something much much worse than your recollections of what happened between you. He tests you and expects to see that old Sara come through, ,the horrible person he has redesigned your character into. Why isn't she losing her cool? Why isn't she insulting me? Have I imagined all of her negatives? Maybe she isn't so bad. I kind of like this family. Wait, I love this family. What am I thinking? This woman has driven me crazy and I need to get out! I know how I can make her angry and she'll lash out and my reasons for leaving will be validated.

Stay calm and collected. He doesn't know what he is doing or what he is thinking. Common problem with lost souls. Sometimes he will seem like he knows exactly what he wants, and at other times he will seem like a little boy who is looking for his lost puppy.

Stick with it. Trust the process.