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Hey peeps, I really need some help and advise here...

My W emailed me on Friday saying that our S is being so naughty for her that she was going to ask me to have him on Friday night (it was her scheduled night with him) - he'd been saying "I've seen you already mommy and I want to go to daddies house"...

... I spent the next half an hour exchanging emails with her trying to lift her up. Explaining that he says similar things to me when he's with me and that she is a strong person and can do this. It was left that whilst I would be happy to help, that she would still have him. I made it very clear that I would be there should she need me.

Im having trouble understanding why you are trying to 'lift her up'. Sounds like OM's job to me. Make sure your S is OK, but I wouldnt be working at meeting her emotional needs. If she is having trouble with him, thats kind of on her.

I've spent the last couple of days explaining to him that he needs to be good and look after his Mother.

Seriously? He's a toddler. It is absolutely NOT his job to look after his mother. He should listen, follow directions, and behave. But he should not be her emotional support structure.

She calls me up a couple of hours before she was meant to be collecting him asking if I could keep him overnight as she was still feeling so low. I told her that our S was excited to see her and that it would be best if she spent some time with him (however reiterated that I was there to help in anyway I could).

I would say, yes, you are being too available. What if she were married to OM? Would you be taking your son when she feels sad?

My concern is that I've seen this woman broken from post natal depression. I've seen her want to walk away from her S and everything else, and I've seen her crumble to the point were she was nearly admitted to a phsyc ward. I feel that I'm in a much better place than she is (emotionally) as I've HAD to deal with this situation head on. I've had to work through things that I never wanted to confront. She on the other hand, has spent the last 4 months with her head in the sand and ignoring everything.

This may be true. Do you think it is your job to fix her?

Now here's where your experience comes in.... What do you think her thought process is? Is this classic behaviour of a WAW, TYPICALLY is this where she's likely to see what she's thrown away and may come back? I'm at a place now where I don't want that dilemma!

Could be. We'll all know soon enough.

I've told her that I will always be there for her and that if ever she feels that our S is too much, all she has to do is call me.

Again, what if she were married to OM?

I don't know if being so available is the right thing. I don't feel that this is my problem anymore, but I was with this woman for 18 years and I will always love her (just don't think I'm in love anymore). BUT how much should I be concerned - I don't have any concerns for my S at the moment, but if she is strong and happy, then my S will be happy.

It sounds like you are acting as if it were your problem. I think it's OK to be available sometimes. But I think you should not be rearranging your schedule to accommodate just because she is upset. She asked to wear the big girl panties....let her.