MLC W and preparing for S or D in the new year

[SM34]

She's in a crisis that has been brewing for some time. It's not that you didn't listen. You did what all spouses do in that situation. You downplayed it. You put yourself in her shoes and you decided if you were her you wouldn't be that seriously affected. You wouldn't have been thrown into crisis mode over these thins.

Which brings us to the next point. she almost certainly is suffering from prior trauma. Forgive me if it's in one of your earlier posts. I didn't see any back story of her past. When you trace the history of crisis people there is always something in the past that caused this.

My wife therapist guided her while she was in crisis. She made her confront the things that made her explode. Turns out they were deep seeded issues from way way before I ever met her, and they were based around her parents divorce. (Surprise surprise. The same thing all of us here are trying to shield our own kids from).

It was through her own therapy that she was able to slowly realize that she was the one who had issues. Her unhappiness was not caused by me. It was definitely made worse by me, and I took responsibility for my half of our failed marriage, but there were older more powerful issues that would have made here leave whoever she was with, even if it wasn't me.

People who decide to cut and run would have done it with whoever they were with. The proof in your sitch is her blaming religion, her family, her upbringing etc. basically she feels she was made into a person who she is not. Exactly like my wife felt. THERAPY made her realize that SHE made herself the person who she's not, not the people around her. Certainly not me!