Ongoing...

[RBG80]

Hey peeps, I really need some help and advise here...

My W emailed me on Friday saying that our S is being so naughty for her that she was going to ask me to have him on Friday night (it was her scheduled night with him) - he'd been saying "I've seen you already mommy and I want to go to daddies house"...

... I spent the next half an hour exchanging emails with her trying to lift her up. Explaining that he says similar things to me when he's with me and that she is a strong person and can do this. It was left that whilst I would be happy to help, that she would still have him. I made it very clear that I would be there should she need me.

Then I went into a meeting. I came out to be told that she had lost the house that she was meant to moving into within the next two weeks, and could I have our S. I called her up and she was in tears and so stressed out. Subsequently, I collected our S and suggested that maybe he went back to her Sunday afternoon rather than Monday morning - she agreed.

I've spent the last couple of days explaining to him that he needs to be good and look after his Mother.

She calls me up a couple of hours before she was meant to be collecting him asking if I could keep him overnight as she was still feeling so low. I told her that our S was excited to see her and that it would be best if she spent some time with him (however reiterated that I was there to help in anyway I could).

I know that she is seeing someone else and its been suggested to me that she is doing this as a way to keep something 'successful' in her life; but I don't know, I have no idea.

I've accepted that this marriage is over, I've accepted that there is another man and that she's slept with him. I've even accepted that IF she were to come back begging to reconcile, and IF I believed her, it would be so difficult to actually rebuild the M - in fact my guess would be that we'd be in the same situation in 6 months down the line!!

My concern is that I've seen this woman broken from post natal depression. I've seen her want to walk away from her S and everything else, and I've seen her crumble to the point were she was nearly admitted to a phsyc ward. I feel that I'm in a much better place than she is (emotionally) as I've HAD to deal with this situation head on. I've had to work through things that I never wanted to confront. She on the other hand, has spent the last 4 months with her head in the sand and ignoring everything.

She's now seeing me moving on with my life, dropped 56lbs, still living in the marital home. She on the other hand, may or may not now be beginning to see what she has left (not that she wants to come back to it), but she's still living out of one room at her Mothers, having difficulty with our S and has just lost the house that she thought she would be moving into.

Now here's where your experience comes in.... What do you think her thought process is? Is this classic behaviour of a WAW, TYPICALLY is this where she's likely to see what she's thrown away and may come back? I'm at a place now where I don't want that dilemma!

I'm concerned for her. As I've mentioned, I've seen this behaviour before - wanting to walk away from everything and being so low. I know that she is still on anti-depressants. I worry that she may be heading down the same path again. I've told her that I will always be there for her and that if ever she feels that our S is too much, all she has to do is call me.

For months, I knew that there would be a way back if she wanted to come back. Now I don't know that there would be, moving forward on my own will be easier than going backwards in the hope that we can build something better and something new. I just don't want the hassle of having to re-think my life again.

I guess that without knowing it, I've finally achieved detachment. I always felt that one day she'd want to come back (whether she admitted it or not), and this may or may not be the time.

I don't know if being so available is the right thing. I don't feel that this is my problem anymore, but I was with this woman for 18 years and I will always love her (just don't think I'm in love anymore). BUT how much should I be concerned - I don't have any concerns for my S at the moment, but if she is strong and happy, then my S will be happy.

I really could do with advise here guys - Some of you vets (I'd expect) would have seen this many times before and seen what action was taken and how things panned out.

I'd also be interested in knowing if I've achieved what is explained in the books (ie, moving forward on my own with my own life and doing it for me). Is it likely that she'll be seeing this and questioning her choices?... I just need to try and prepare for her next move, try and get my head ready... I was always frightened that if she wanted to come back and I'd moved on, it would be me turning my back on the possibility of my S having a 'normal' family.

Thanks to those who have stuck with this post and I'd really be grateful of your advise / feedback.